A Year

Wow its been a year since I have used this blog. My last post was in march 2011. I would have to say a lot of things have changed in my life. Graduated from high school and then out of no where i just finished my first year at UC Davis. UC Davis, is one hard school lol. I never thought I would struggle as much as I did in high school. I think I would have to say that high school was pretty easy compared to college. A lot of things has happened in college, I met the most amazing people that I could have possibly met. I did have a lot of drama as well, friends who i thought were cool and could be friends forever, ended up back stabbing me and I never felt so much pain in my life. How could people in college, who are suppose to be mature, end up doing such a thing. Even though I had to deal with such bullshit, I forgot them and just moved on. I did not look back and even bothered to think about them because why should I? They did not care about how I felt. When they told me that I was too gay and was too annoying for them, after that incident, they went back to their old routines and pretended that nothing happened. Like seriously why would anyone do that. The fact that they talked shit behind my back for a week and planning to turn me down was like the lowest thing anyone can do. In the end, I discovered who my true friends were and it were the people who visited me in my room and hanged out with me at my dorm. My roommate especially will always be my brother from another mother. He has gone through so much pain and agony with me. I appreciated his guidance and his brotherly love. Although my gayness was out there, he did not judge me. He did not judge the way I dance, he did not judge the type of music i listened too and he did not judge me as person of difference. He treated me as an equal person and that is what I came to. College is about finding your true self and developing strong friendships with people who are actually true to you and themselves. As with boys, I still struggle in trying to have a different mind set. I have come to a conclusion that boys are the reason why I have felt so alone and desperate. They are the ones that make me want to find love and want to find someone. But why should I put myself in much more misery? Therefore I have decided that I will no longer seek out for a man. Like they say, someone special will come and right now, the time is just not right. Even if I do not find anyone in the long run, who cares. As long as I have my family and close friends with me, that is all I should care about right? After all these years of being so dependent on boys, I finally have realized that it was not healthy for me. Emotionally and Mentally I needed to find a new path for myself, a path where I can just focus all my attention to myself and others around me that I care a lot about. Who knew my true feelings were awoken after all that mess.